Their Inn Trouble
by MekkaBabble
Summary: PSIV Our heroes take a trip to Dezoris and run into some trouble. To regroup, they spend the night in Zosa, but how do they survive with only two beds?
1. oh what a night

Author's note: Um….to ward off potential flames I'll say this- nothing against Starbucks and Final Fantasy. I really enjoy both. But yes, something against Mel Gibson's 'The Passion' and Full House ::shudders:: Anyway, enjoy what I feel is the silliest thing I've ever written and don't forget to review. 

2: 59 pm…..Our heroes had battled plenty of sandworms. In fact, so many that they were the first animals on Motavia to obtain endangered species status. That is, apart from the Motavians themselves. Droves of townspeople had warned them about sandworms. "Stay away from the sandworms!!" they would say. "Fighting sandworms leads to a slow and painful death!!!". Yet no one had mentioned the truly diabolical snoworm. On one of their many outings to Dezolis (or Dezoris, depending on how big of an iconoclast you are), our nine favorite Protectors stumbled upon a large nest of these powerful critters…and were pounded into the ground.

After that battle, which was so miserable, that you'd sink into a deep depression just from reading about it! So you can image how our heroes felt. Everyone was in an exceptionally bad mood- Chaz was covered in lash marks from grappling with 11 tentacles at once, Rune was bitter because he was still unable to master Megid (yet a snoworm he fought had), Kyra was becoming obsessive over finding her 2nd Moon Slasher, Raja was sober (it had nothing to do with snoworms, but he was generally happier when drunk), Gryz was cold and suspected he had frostbite, Rika was hoping they would run into some stray Dezo-Penguins rather than a nest of evil worms. Demi had long ago grown weary of joke concerning her height (again, nothing to do with snoworms, but Raja had taken to picking on her lately). Hahn was dead, and Wren was forced to carry Hahn.

"I think…" Chaz panted while leaning on Elsydeon, "I think we should call it a day." Under normal circumstances, Rune would have used his rod to give Chaz a well-deserved lump on his head for treating the sacred sword Elsydeon like a common walking stick, but all of them had suffered enough for one day. Chaz's pained moanings settled it and the group unconsciously gravitated toward Zosa in hopes of finding solace for the night. Sadly though, our heroes had been negligent in their research. The Frostbitten Motavi-Inn, Zosa's hotel, only had two double beds. But in their state, no one was going to complain, at least not yet. Not even over the hefty 600 Meseta price tag.

Needless to say, the poor Dezoran innkeeper was miffed to see nine heavily armed, injured people- one of which was Motavian, another of which was dead- march into her tiny hotel in her tiny town, in the middle of nowhere. She gave them her only room and left them to their own devices for the night…oh if she only knew how stupid that was!

7:30 pm….Our heroes wouldn't have been more disgusted if they had just seen Mel Gibson's 'The Passion'. Just how they were all going to fit into such a small space was a bigger mystery than why Final Fantasy sold better than Phantasy Star. If Aideo's fortune teller had been present, she would likely tell the Protectors they were in for a very, very rough night. But she wasn't, so our heroes had to draw that conclusion themselves.

Rune was the first to speak. He has assessed the situation and done the math- nine people, two beds. At least five would be left to their own devices for the night. But how to decide who got the most coveted sleeping spots? There had to be a solution other than Darwinism- and Rune found it. "Here's what we'll do." Everyone else waited with baited breath. "We've got two beds and nine people. Wren and Demi- you two aren't organic, you don't need beds. Gryz, you're covered in ice, so you should sleep by the fire anyway. Hahn's dead- he won't care where we stash him. Kyra and Rika should go somewhere comfortable because they're the only girls in the group. Raja, why can't you go sleep in some temple? And Chaz- you're short."

"Oh? And where does that leave you?" Demi demanded sarcastically while glaring up at Rune. The Reverent Fifth cleared his throat, "Well, since I _am_ Lutz, I should get a bed to myself." Raja, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, whipped out a half-full bottle of Starbucks Ale (they expanded their business to be intergalactic and sell alcohol- admit it, you can see it coming), drained it, broke it on the fireplace and lunged at Rune, "I don't even know Ryuka you dolt! How can I get to a temple from Zosa?!" Ultimately, Raja never hurt Rune, but succeeded in cutting a ragged, circular hole in his mantle. "Rune," Wren began calmly while propping Hahn up in a chair, "I don't think Raja is keen on your sleeping arrangements." At times, Wren felt it was necessary to state the obvious. Chaz sank down on one of the beds, threw Elsydeon into a wall and winced in pain. Those snoworms had definitely gotten the better of him today, "Well I'm going to bed. Wake me when you decide what to do." Of course, no one would, he would kill anyone who did. Chaz knew that much. He inwardly smiled. He had gotten first pick on the beds.

9:00 pm…An hour and a half had passed and everyone except Rika eyed the remaining bed hungrily (Rika had long ago cuddled up to Chaz). Gryz raised his ax to catch the moonlight, "I propose a fight to the death for the remaining bed!" he proclaimed. Wren was first to agree. "No way!" Kyra said stepping between the potential combatants. "Wren, I agree with Rune. You're a robot-"

"Android." He corrected. "Whatever," she continued "only your face is organic, you don't need a bed."

The arguing went on, and when those three had turned around, Rune and Raja were playing tug-of-war with the blankets of the other bed. Gryz sighed and decided to settle this- he walked up to the two, grabbed the blankets and with a mighty heave claimed them as his own and curled up with them by the fire- just as Rune suggested.

10:17 pm….Sleeping arrangements had more or less been made. Rune climbed into the empty bed, using a bag of Meseta as a pillow and his cloak as a blanket. Raja made a wonderful discovery- the inn's mini bar and was soon too wasted to care where he slept. He somehow found his way into Hahn's lap. Wren and Demi found a corner and worked on deactivating each other. That left Kyra, who thought it would be beyond disrespectful to sleep in the same bed with Lutz. She would've traded gladly with anyone- even Raja!

11:23 pm…Overcome with fatigue and bored out of her mind, all Kyra could do was stare at that soft, cozy spot next to Rune. That was enough. Screw her reputation! Screw Esper tradition! And screw Rune! ……..well, maybe not. In fact, hopefully not. Kyra climbed into the bed and stayed as close to the edge as she could, trying not to fall off.

11:31 pm…Rika had the privilege, or curse, of sleeping closest to the door, and was woken by a high-pitched whimpering coming from outside. She couldn't just leave whoever it was out in the sub-zero Dezoran night. "Oh, you poor thing. You must be freezing." She said sweetly to the baby Dezo-penguin giving her one of those pitiful looks baby animals give people whenever they want something out of them. The numan picked up the bird, gave it a quick kiss and let it fall asleep by the fire. "I suppose no one will mind if you're quiet." The penguin peeped in return and she went back to sleep.

11:59 pm… Gryz's snoring was enough to wake the dead and Hahn just proved it. The scholar stifled a scream when he found a drunken, grinning Dezoran asleep in his lap. With a bit of effort, he managed to knock Raja to the floor. Hahn was afraid that would wake him, but the priest merely rolled over and curled up on the carpet instead.

He tiptoed over Raja and stopped when he got to Gryz, he rolled the Motavian over to muffle the snoring. It worked quite well. Now, there was only one more pressing concern- where the hell was Hahn going to sleep!? "Alys help me!" Chaz jumped out of bed and looked around, wildly swinging an imaginary sword. Then Hahn had The Evil Idea. Not just an evil idea- the evil idea to end all evil ideas! If Chaz was a sleepwalker, he would exploit that and take his bed. The scholar ran into the hall and called in his best Alys imitation "Chaz, don't worry! Just follow me!" Chaz immediately relaxed and did Hahn's bidding. Hahn went back inside and settled in the warm spot Chaz made next to Rika.

12:30 am…."Ahhhh!!" Demi quietly screamed, suddenly reactivating. It was a soft noise, but it somehow caused Kyra to fall off her mattress. "Hm," Wren said, "I was wondering when you would reactivate."

"Master Wren, this cold is doing terrible things to my circuits. I'm currently incapable of moving my upper-right limb." She whispered angrily. Wren nodded, "I know. It is approximately 5.433443 degrees Celsius outside. And our humanoid companions are occupying the warmest parts of our room."

Demi translated this into binary to analyze the message better, then thought about it for a moment. "But laws of science dictate they if they discontinue occupying a space, there will be gaseous atoms we can easily knock out of our way." Wren looked at her, that sentence was confusing even for him. "Explain yourself, Demi."

"We should steal their beds." Sure, Rune and Kyra were right, they had no need for a good night's sleep, and had no nerves to feel cold, but it was the principle of the thing, they had insulted the androids. The Espers would pay. Wren had the easier job- Kyra was already asleep on the floor, and Demi insisted she deal with Rune herself. Earlier, he had implied that Demi wasn't female, an insult not to be taken lightly. Demi possessed a rage that only tiny, female androids had when offended. Her outlet- Rune, blissfully unaware that a pile of animate titanium was about to leap on him, toss him into a wall and steal his warm cape. She did just that.

12:31 am…Rune groaned and rubbed the growing welt on his head. That was the worst awakening he had ever received, including the awakenings of all his previous incarnations, even worse than the time the 3rd Lutz had wet his bed at 37. It wasn't long before he determined the cause of all his suffering. "Demi….I was there.." he remained surprisingly calm, but that had much to do with the fact he was barely conscious. The android pointed her gun at him and Rune backed off. He was upset (to say the least) about the heist on his bed, but got over it when he saw the most wonderful thing- a warm, fluffy down pillow propped up near the fire. He didn't question the great gift, but enjoyed it.

12:43 am…Rune suspected there was something wrong with his head rest when it started pecking at his face. Luckily for him (not the penguin), it was still small enough to pick up and boot outside. He opened the door and lightly tossed the bird outside and found something very interesting- Chaz at his feet, pawing at the spot the door once was. The Esper laughed, walked inside, and shut the door before Chaz had a chance to follow. He especially enjoyed listening to Chaz's futile threats, "I swear to god Rune, when I see you again, I'm going to Megid you to death!!!"

Rune chuckled, stole Wren's pillow, and made himself comfortable on the table, listening to Chaz whine was almost worth receiving the multiple bite wounds to his face.

1:16 am…Gryz had been very lucky. He had thawed, received a decent sleeping spot, and gotten a solid 4 hours of napping in! He woke with a start to find himself laying facedown in a puddle of drool. It would be murder to clean it all from his fur in the morning. But just what had lured the Motavian out of his slumber? "Griiiiiiiiz." A fluctuating voice called. "Huh?" he was thoroughly confused, "Who the hell are you?" he asked the muscular, powder-white figure holding his own head. "IIIIIII am the ghost of Oooooooodiiiiin. Ahem, excuse me while I kill the ghost speak." Odin pointed accusingly at Gryz, "You stole my Laconian Ax. I'm taking it back."

Gryz blinked, hardly believing this, "Okay…….what happened to your head?"

"Oh that. I made the mistake of calling Alis Landale a 'weak, little girl'." The Motavian nodded, "I see…and you've been dead for 2000 years now. It's my ax now." Odin growled and tossed his head to Gryz, grabbed his ax, and disappeared. All the while, the still present head laughed at the perturbed Motavian. Gryz gasped and threw the head at Rune where it vanished in a harmless puff. Gryz sat up and stretched. Part of him said it was futile to chase a ghost, but another part said that Odin's good friend Lutz might know his favorite haunts. Gryz laughed at his own pun. He had been hanging out with Raja too much lately. Problem being, he couldn't just ask Rune because he wasn't dead. No, Gryz could only get an answer from the very 1st Lutz in the Telepathy Ball…and Kyra could get him into the Esper Mansion…

2:30 am…In exchange for Ryuka-ing them to the Esper Mansion, Kyra and Gryz let Chaz back into their room. Two bodies filled his bed…Chaz resisted an urge to punch Hahn, a second to kill Rune, and then slid under the covers next to Rika.

2:37 am…Rune left his legs hanging off the table's edge. It was the only feasible way to remain comfortable. Being tall did have its disadvantages and sadly for Raja, so did sleeping directly under Rune's feet. Our heroes spent the day traipsing through dismembered snoworm corpses and Rune had never bothered to clean his boots, or even take them off. During one of his dreams, he gave the poor Dezoran a facefull of whatever goo was stuck to the sole of his boot.

Raja's face wrinkled in disgust as he pulled away and ripped up a portion of rug to use as a surrogate napkin. He needed to pay Rune back. Raja first considered using one of those terrible pranks involving shaving crème or warm water, but then saw something better- Demi's gun. He fingered the weapon until he found the trigger but gave it a second thought- that might be messy. Throwing it would definitely work better, but more importantly, Demi would be blamed! Raja threw the gun at Rune's head, and occupied Gryz's former spot. He drew in a deep breath and sneezed. Oh well…the priest flipped over the saliva-saturated pillow and drifted to sleep while listening to Rune sob like a little girl. He smiled his own joke "Rest in pieces, Rune Walsh".

Elsewhere…"Gryz, are you sure about this?" Kyra questioned while the pair stood positioned over the Telepathy Ball. He nodded and tapped on the crystal, "Lutz? Are you in there?"

It blinked a deep shade of blue, "Ye- who the devil are you?" The Motavian tightly closed his eyes. He hadn't felt this silly since….well, ever, but remained polite, however. "Great Lutz," Kyra smiled, "my name is Gryz and I broke in here to ask about your friend Odin-"

The Telepathy Ball turned a bright red as it spoke. "NOAH!! My name is Noah! Say it! Noah!" The Protectors exchanged dubious glances and shrugged. "Err.. Noah." Gryz said, unsure of what exactly was happening. The crystal went back to blue, "Carry on, gentle Motavian."

"Well Lu- er, Noah, your friend Odin stole my laconian ax and I want it back." The Ball cackled, "Yeah, Odin tied up a great deal of his manhood in that ax. He'd kill me if I ever told you where he took it."

"Hm. Aren't you dead already?"

"Oh, you don't understand. He'd kill me again."

Gryz groaned. No good could possibly come from asking about Odin in a rational manner. "Okay Noah, I'll make a deal with you," he said threateningly while picking up the Telepathy Ball. "You can tell me where your friend took my ax, or I can drop the Telepathy Ball."

Kyra turned whiter than a Dezoran winter, "Gryz no!!!" Oh, if only Kyra had thought slightly harder about screaming those fateful words. If only Odin hadn't stolen the laconian ax. If only Gryz wasn't such an excitable moron…..


	2. mourning guests

Author's note: How does Rune react when he's called Rhys? What's as uglier than Full House? And just what does Demi think of Megaman? These questions and more answered! Enjoy and review.

If only they could turn back time and not make this stupid journey at all! "No what?!" Gryz threw his hands up in surprise, along with the Telepathy Ball. The pair watched in horror as the crystal sphere sailed gracefully through the air and gained momentum as it fell. Kyra and Gryz seemed to act in slow motion as each made futile attempts to catch the glowing Telepathy Ball. It fell to the floor and shattered into millions of tiny fragments, but all was not lost. From the rumble arose a tiny winged Noah who immediately flew to Gryz and cast bolt. Noah was far too small to harm Gryz, but the spell generated enough static to force the Motavian's fur to stick out in all directions. He then floated in front of Kyra's face and used his cane to leave a prominent red mark down the middle of her face. "Both of you shall pay dearly for this!" Noah screamed in a very, very high-pitched voice, "I'll just get my current successor, Rhys, Rimpa, Ruin...whatever his name is! But I'll send him after you, and be warned, he's a real hardass!"

Noah disappeared and Kyra and Gryz exchanged pained looks and began to clean up the scattered bits of crystal. Gryz stored it all in a spare sack and prepared to leave. "Hold on." Kyra said, remaining calm, "We need to replace it." The Motavian glared at her, "and how do we do that?"

She held out a ball of sky blue Play-Doh, "Make a replica. That old guard is nearsighted." Gryz smiled at her insight. It was a poor imitation for the majestic Telepathy Ball, but it might pass for a little while. Giving them just enough time to fly to Rykros and pray they'd never be caught. But before any major plans could be made, they had to return to Zosa....

4:00 am....Hahn woke with a start. Not because of any nightmare, not because he was cold, but because the bed he shared with Chaz and Rika was vibrating...a lot. He squinted to see in the darkness as best he could. Everyone was where they had been, except Chaz and Rika, who had scooted closer to each other, and where moving in a very seductive way. It took the scholar a few moments to realize that they were having a little early morning fun and jumped out of the bed to avoid getting involved. He had no idea how open-minded his friends were, and didn't care to find out now.

To make matters worse, now Raja was snoring and much louder than Gryz ever could! Hahn grumbled something terribly inappropriate and flipped Raja over the same way he had Gryz. Luckily, there was still one good sleeping spot left under Demi's feet. She was short enough that Hahn could almost stretch out on the bed. The scholar settled down and tried to drown out nightmares involving Chaz and Rika.

6:36 am...Gryz and Kyra finally made it back to the Frostbitten Motavi-Inn and sat huddled in the cold corner of their room along with the remainder of the Telepathy Ball. "We should tell Rune before Noah does." Kyra thought aloud. "You tell him then, it'll be easier coming from an Esper." Kyra swallowed hard, "Forget it." The Motavian and Esper let out a collective sigh. Morning was going to be painful.

That mourning....At 8:00 am, the Dezo-owls finally stopped hooting, everyone was happy that night was over- except Demi. "I had the most wonderful dream last night..." she shared with no one in particular. "I met this really cute android. He was strong, smart, and as short as me...his name was Megaman." She said with a large smile. Rune rubbed his still-sore head. "I had a strange dream too.." he eyed Gryz and Kyra, "and you two were in it. I dreamt you guys broke the Telepath- what's in your bag?" he asked suspiciously.

Suddenly, but not unexpectedly, the tiny winged Noah materialized on Rune's shoulder, "Get 'em Rhys!" he screamed in his very, very high-pitched voice. Rune looked toward him instead, "Huh?" he gave Noah a quick flick into the nearest wall. Gryz and Kyra exchanged looks and dumped the remainder of the Telepathy Ball on the carpet. The color drained from Rune's face, "How in-"

"Oh, good. You're awake." Chaz cheerfully interrupted, finally dragging himself away from Rika, "This is for locking me out last night. MEGID!!!" Bright, red sparkles filled the room, injuring no one but Rune. The Reverent Fifth doubled over in pain and prepared to Tandle Chaz in retaliation. Wren was the only one to notice this and stopped Rune, "There's no need for us to battle each other-"

"Shove it you stupid robot!" Rune retaliated. Wren remained calm and muttered under his breath "101000100101010101010111000011010101.." Demi winced. She had no idea Wren could say such a terrible thing!

"SHUT UP!!!! JUST EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!!" Raja screamed. He had a terrible headache, and a battle of any sort in such close quarters promised to only make it worse. Gryz and Rika were the only ones to show some sympathy, promptly running to their friend to alleviate his pain in whatever way they could. "Raja....you look like you've got a terrible cold, were you chilled last night?" the numan asked while feeling Raja's forehead. He attempted to respond but coughed and Gryz was there to pat his back. This caused Raja to sneeze. "Wait...." Hahn began, "Raja, you slept by the fire last night?" he chose to ignore that Raja spent half the night in his lap.

"Yes." The priest replied, not entirely sure where this would lead. "Well, I do believe that you're having an allergic reaction to Motavian fur.." Gryz immediately jumped away from the Dezoran, "Maybe we should go outside, that might help Raja clear his sinuses and help us clear our heads." It was a brilliant idea. After last night, the Protectors would likely kill each other if they stayed in their room any longer. Rune was near death as it was.

As a courtesy, Chaz picked up the tiny, winged Noah as they exited. He couldn't leave a dead bug in the room for the maid to clean up! True to Gryz's words, everyone felt much better when outside the confines of the Frostbitten Motavi-Inn, even Raja felt his massive headache disappearing. "Hey, you nine!" shouted a penguin keeper at Zosa's entrance, "I've been waiting all morning for you to show up!" Rune, much to Chaz's disappointment, appointed himself spokesperson, "Why is that?" The keeper handed him an official-looking letter, "There's a nest of snoworms who have a written request to see you."

Chaz let his mouth fall open, "You're kidding, right?" The Dezoran shook his head, "Oh no, in fact, their diplomat is standing right beyond the town's gate." True to his words, the Protectors looked beyond the walls to see a snoworm waiting patiently for them, even greeting some of the newcomers to town by waving with its tail. However, it did glare at our heroes once it saw them. The penguin keeper smiled at them, "You should go talk to that worm. He's quite eager to meet the people who saved all of Algol."

Wren grabbed the Dezoran by the shoulders, "Sir, that worm means to kill us!"

He continued to smile, "Nonsense, you robot!"

"Android." Wren correct irately. The Dezoran continued to smile "Whatever. Go out and say 'hello'. He's a very charming snoworm!" he herded the Protectors out of town and slammed the door behind them. Demi sighed remorsefully, "Oh Megaman....if only you were real. You'd know how to get out of this terrible situation."

Once our heroes stood before the snoworm, it summoned its allies out of the snow, preventing any change of escape. Gryz once again cursed Odin for stealing the laconian ax. The snoworms attacked as our heroes desperately threw together a defense. Sandworms, the Profound Darkness, not even an episode of Full House! None were as ugly as the chaos that was about to ensue. The Protectors braced themselves for the toughest battle yet!


End file.
